Abusive fellowships are often the most exciting Christian gatherings around
filled with dedicated, committed, enthusiastic leaders and members. Do
not let enthusiasm and sincerity be the basis for approval. More often than
not, abusive fellowships cannot be recognized by mere outward appearance. By
discrediting facts, the leaders of such gatherings control information.
Leaders may deny these practices -- or marginalize them in some way. It is
important to investigate any fellowship thoroughly.
Abusive fellowships often change the meaning of words. In these fellowships,
"unity" commonly means agreement with the leaders opinions. Members are
often told that they are "out of unity" when they disagree with the leaders'
opinions. Healthy fellowships understand that true unity means that
There is one body and one Spirit -- just as you were called to one hope when
you were called -- one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of
all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4)
Every healthy fellowship will have disagreements, and yet be in unity in the
Biblical sense as brothers and sisters in Christ.
In healthy fellowships members commonly maintain friendships when friends
leave the group. Abusive fellowships tend to view almost everyone who leaves
as a backslider and they view most other Christians as not committed or
saved. Healthy fellowships do not consistently tell derogatory stories about
those who leave.
In healthy fellowships the leaders prove themselves to be trustworthy in
order to be trusted. In abusive fellowships the leaders must be trusted
because they are the leaders. To not trust them is to sin.
In healthy fellowships we are admonished to imitate the Christ-like virtues
seen in others. In abusive fellowships the leaders are imitated in many more
ways than just their virtues. In fact, members take on many of the personal
characteristics (personality) of the leaders in a manner that appears
unseemly. This is particularly true of those being groomed for "ministry."
In healthy fellowships commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ, and to Apostolic
teaching, is absolutely necessary. In abusive fellowships members must be
equally committed to the group and to its practices and peculiar beliefs.
Some even have members sign "covenant" documents, much like marriage vows.
In healthy fellowships we are exhorted to obey clear Biblical mandates. In
abusive fellowships we are exhorted (or pressured) to obey the leaders'
opinions --even when our conscience says "no."
In healthy fellowships the confession of sins and "bearing of one another's
burdens" is a personal matter that takes place in the context of a larger
"family" relationship with other Christians. In abusive fellowships sins are
exposed by (or to) leaders and pressure is often applied to confess to the
group.
In healthy fellowships secrecy and independence in personal matters --
before God -- are acceptable as long as sins are confessed in private. In
abusive fellowships secrecy or independence in personal affairs are scorned,
and all areas of life are to be exposed -- even those that do not touch
moral issues.
In healthy fellowships we are encouraged to love and bless our enemies. In
abusive fellowships showing hatred for our enemies and speaking defamatory
of them is acceptable. And often the occasion for "rallying the troops."
Abusive leaders seldom practice this scripture:
"...when ridiculed, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; when slandered we
respond gently..." (1 Cor 4:12, 13)
Matt. 18:15
If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between
the two of you.
1 Timothy 5:19, 20
Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two
or three witnesses. Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the
others may take warning.
In healthy fellowships Matthew 18:15 applies to every member without
distinction -- you are to go to your brother or sister alone -- while 1st
Timothy 5:19-20 (a stricter standard) applies to leaders. In abusive
fellowships Matthew 18:15 applies to leaders -- you are to deal with them
alone -- instead of 1st Timothy 5:19-20. These latter verses are often
ignored, thus preventing two or three from EVER bringing an accusation
against a leader in error.
Non-abusive leaders rebuke members only for grave public sins, as a last
resort (Matthew 18:17). Abusive leaders often publicly rebuke or ostracize
members who simply disagree with leaders' opinions. Usually vis-à-vis sermon illustrations or applications, etc.
Non-abusive leaders do not encourage people to leave the fellowships because
of differences of opinion. Abusive leaders often assume the right --
unilaterally -- to tell or encourage members who do not agree with leaders'
opinions to leave the fellowship.
Non-abusive leaders do not view members as "lacking spiritually" simply
because they do not participate in numerous fellowship activities. Abusive
leaders view as "spiritually lacking" those who fail to attend most all
their fellowship activities. Some even mandate the number of meetings
members MUST attend.
Non-abusive leaders do not discourage members from reading information
critical about the group. Abusive leaders often control negative information
about the group by either discrediting it or by dissuading members not to
read it.
Non-abusive leaders do not judge your hearts, but they leave that to God.
Abusive leaders constantly judge hearts, motives, and intents. They
basically assume -- rather, usurp -- the place of God.
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Note: This has been adapted from the pamphlet Discerning A Healthy Church,
©1998 Control Techniques, Inc. For more information, or to obtain a copy of
the original, unedited version, they can be reached at:
Control Techniques, Inc.
P. O. Box 8021
Chattanooga, TN 37141-8021
