sze-fan's senseless scribblings

I know i've been asked this question many many times.

"Do you know where you'll go after you die?"

I wasn't sure. I doubted. I think i failed Him. I disappointed Him over and over again. I am ashamed of myself. This wasn't supposed to happen. I mean, I'm like the older batch of IGNITE and yet... i couldn't even answer that question confidently. I couldn't bring myself to lift up my hand when Pastor Rajan asked who is sure where they'll be when they leave earth. I didn't want to lie. I am/was a failure. There are people who are younger in Christ more spiritually matured than me. oh. and yes i know, some ppl will look at me differently and say i should be very firm in Christ and don't know what else they will think. lol. i guess that's the price for being honest? hahha.

About two weeks ago, my friend in KL told me i have backslidden. i was indignant, although deep down, i know what he said is true. lol. It was the pride, the self-righteousness lurking inside me that i was not aware of. another yes, i am sensitive and very self-defensive.

Anyway, i want to change. Seriously. it's hard not having ppl to lead you in your faith when you're away from your comfort zone. It's also hard to keep my faith strong and not lose sight of the one that should have been my top priority.

I will blog about happier times soon? I hope.

and happy easter anyways =)

for this post, i will not desribe all details of the forbidden incident as someone has put it. hahhaa.

it was really embarrassing. lol. you know, i use com about 3-4 hours a day but i don't know how to use excel to do my statistical reasoning assignment. sat-lai-ness. haizzz..

we went in quite early to the lab. at the end of the lesson, one question i will never forget my lecturer asked me, " you came in late isit?" HAHA. coz everyone finish and i still doing it with another fren *ahem* (protect your identity and face.. faster thank me. haha)

the assignment had to be handed up that same day after that class and we initially thought that the tutor would wait for us to pass up (coz he promised so) manatau, when we finally finish, he disappeared with everyone's work.... >< we were so kin cheong and hurried to find him (you know lah, monash not like disted so small lol) after running up and down, we finally spotted him at our administration building entrance. he was already leaving the uni. lol relieve practically swept over us. after we passed up our stuff, we practically laughed our way back to the library. hahha.

just imagine if we didn't manage to reach him in time *shudders*

that.... was one truly memorable day.....

from now on, i must force my friend to study her statistics properly so we won't sat lai next time. XD

lol. before you all read my blog entry, don't simply think yet har XP

last night i went home at about 11.20pm. was enjoying my green tea in daiki cafe. lol.





after i reached home, wanted to take my midnight bath (i love bathing at night, very refreshing). was in the bathroom d, suddenly, the bathroom light was off. everything was so dark. i thought my cousins are playing tricks on me or what ( u know lah, guys are like that wan XP) haha.





i took out my phone, yea, i have my phone with me even when i go bathroom, luckily lol. i turned on my hp light, and walked out. everywhere also dark. ohhh... putus elektrik isit... ( i noe i sound chi dun >< haha)

cousins were down there getting ready for bed. then in the end, didn't want to sleep in my room alone, since i saw down there in the hall so lau juak so i went to join in the fun. haha. pindah my tilam, pillow, bolster, blanket down there and camping.

hugging his chao-chao. hehe
sleep also need to pose. =_=
sleep also holding handphone. geng. =P

anyway, they don't read my blog. so i'm safe!!! hahhhaa XD

but i hope they didn't take video of me snoring lah. although they threathened to when i took their pics ><

well, thank God that it rained heavily last night, so the weather was very cooling even without fan or air con. and the funny thing was, the houses in front of our house all no electricity but the houses behind our house all so brightly litted. lol.

i started my class on monday, 25th february 2008 after almost 3 months of lamnua-ing and lenggang-ing lol. for those of you who didn't know, i am now at Monash University doing my biotech course. (don't know I repeated how many times d. don't get me wrong, not because i famous BUT i told some ppl a zillion times they still forget) *vomits blood*

*wipes away blood smeared over mouth* got to know a few friends, which is good. but still trying to get used to life here. after this first week, you won't see me online or updating my blog so frequently already. i'll be buried behind huge mountains of assignments and lab reports and essays and class tests and exams and weekly presentations.... unending sorrows... I'm so dead.

somemore, now they have this software called turnitin, which can detect any form of plagiarism, even senior's reports lol. *sighs* for those who knew me since secondary school/ took SAM with me will surely know of my 'skill' in always doing my assignments very very the last minute, sometimes one day before the due date and sometimes i had to 'refer' to some very kind-hearted friend's work to know what and how to do my work. sometimes, i had to be reminded by ppl only i know got work need to pass up ( you all know my blurriness lah) so....... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PRAY FOR ME lol.

btw, i told you all i just started my class, but then i almost went fishing for every lecture. (that's why you all NEED to pray for me T.T) AND Chem is HARD....... arghhhhhhhh.... i didn't do my revision but then, the lecturer was going so fast and everyone else seemed to have understood what she was talking about. zzz. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

oh yea, today was first day of CF meeting. went early for the prayer meeting at about 4.30pm (did not manage to catch a movie --> step up 2). the prayer lasted very long, about one hour. then the service started and we played some games. one of them was letting ppl guess what song you are singing but you have to use the words from a magazine as 'lyrics'. we were then divided into groups. guess what. my group ppl asked me go out and represent my team (maybe coz i was too innocent and senang dibuli. haiz. OR they wanna hear me sing? XD OR coz i was the only one new?. tak tau.)

guess what. i took up the challenge. don't know why i did not really feel any fear. the song i chose was 'one way'. it was quite amusing. but i think, it was great. coz i was finally brave enough to go out and make fun of myself. haha. there's a first time for everything and i feel good =)

had bbq after that at the opn space on top of the library. got to know more bros and sis-in-Christ. but sadly, there was no one doing the same course as me. haiz.

anyway, praise God that i'm still kuai kuai. still the same old michelle. =P

these are donuts from J Co. which t-yee kept on and on advertising about how nice, how soft, how delicious it was lol. (You would think she was involved in the business XP) but i have to admit that they look really nice *aiks*



(pictures courtesy of t-yee, extracted from http://www.t-yee.blogspot.com/)

say NO to plagiarism XD

this is my niece, my very very adorable niece. i envy her lol. so cute. wanna pinch her cheeks till red redand pong pong like apple. hehe.

*sighs* i was not so fortunate when i was little. small eyes, skinny, boyish, wears specs (i had cocked eyes) and uglyyyyyy. lol. that was why my younger sister who had big, shining, brown eyes, fluffy cheeks lol stole all the limelight from me. everyone wanted to go near her, pinch her (ouch!), carry her. she got all the attention. everybody simply adored her. i can't deny that i wasn't a bit jealous of her. haha. that's only the most natural thing to do riteeee. but now i'm not lah. XP

and mind you, i didn't suffer from any psychological problems or feel depressed coz of the lack of attention la. lol.

*sighs again* i hope i can 'create' a baby as cute or cuter than them next time. haha. not so soon lah. and of course is after proper marriage =.= .