sze-fan's senseless scribblings

the window to my life.

I know i've been asked this question many many times.

"Do you know where you'll go after you die?"

I wasn't sure. I doubted. I think i failed Him. I disappointed Him over and over again. I am ashamed of myself. This wasn't supposed to happen. I mean, I'm like the older batch of IGNITE and yet... i couldn't even answer that question confidently. I couldn't bring myself to lift up my hand when Pastor Rajan asked who is sure where they'll be when they leave earth. I didn't want to lie. I am/was a failure. There are people who are younger in Christ more spiritually matured than me. oh. and yes i know, some ppl will look at me differently and say i should be very firm in Christ and don't know what else they will think. lol. i guess that's the price for being honest? hahha.

About two weeks ago, my friend in KL told me i have backslidden. i was indignant, although deep down, i know what he said is true. lol. It was the pride, the self-righteousness lurking inside me that i was not aware of. another yes, i am sensitive and very self-defensive.

Anyway, i want to change. Seriously. it's hard not having ppl to lead you in your faith when you're away from your comfort zone. It's also hard to keep my faith strong and not lose sight of the one that should have been my top priority.

I will blog about happier times soon? I hope.

and happy easter anyways =)

for this post, i will not desribe all details of the forbidden incident as someone has put it. hahhaa.

it was really embarrassing. lol. you know, i use com about 3-4 hours a day but i don't know how to use excel to do my statistical reasoning assignment. sat-lai-ness. haizzz..

we went in quite early to the lab. at the end of the lesson, one question i will never forget my lecturer asked me, " you came in late isit?" HAHA. coz everyone finish and i still doing it with another fren *ahem* (protect your identity and face.. faster thank me. haha)

the assignment had to be handed up that same day after that class and we initially thought that the tutor would wait for us to pass up (coz he promised so) manatau, when we finally finish, he disappeared with everyone's work.... >< we were so kin cheong and hurried to find him (you know lah, monash not like disted so small lol) after running up and down, we finally spotted him at our administration building entrance. he was already leaving the uni. lol relieve practically swept over us. after we passed up our stuff, we practically laughed our way back to the library. hahha.

just imagine if we didn't manage to reach him in time *shudders*

that.... was one truly memorable day.....

from now on, i must force my friend to study her statistics properly so we won't sat lai next time. XD

lol. before you all read my blog entry, don't simply think yet har XP

last night i went home at about 11.20pm. was enjoying my green tea in daiki cafe. lol.

after i reached home, wanted to take my midnight bath (i love bathing at night, very refreshing). was in the bathroom d, suddenly, the bathroom light was off. everything was so dark. i thought my cousins are playing tricks on me or what ( u know lah, guys are like that wan XP) haha.

i took out my phone, yea, i have my phone with me even when i go bathroom, luckily lol. i turned on my hp light, and walked out. everywhere also dark. ohhh... putus elektrik isit... ( i noe i sound chi dun >< haha)

cousins were down there getting ready for bed. then in the end, didn't want to sleep in my room alone, since i saw down there in the hall so lau juak so i went to join in the fun. haha. pindah my tilam, pillow, bolster, blanket down there and camping.

hugging his chao-chao. hehe
sleep also need to pose. =_=
sleep also holding handphone. geng. =P

anyway, they don't read my blog. so i'm safe!!! hahhhaa XD

but i hope they didn't take video of me snoring lah. although they threathened to when i took their pics ><

well, thank God that it rained heavily last night, so the weather was very cooling even without fan or air con. and the funny thing was, the houses in front of our house all no electricity but the houses behind our house all so brightly litted. lol.