sze-fan's senseless scribblings

the window to my life.

hehh.. most of you are informed of the hillsong concert that took place 2 days ago, i went, participated and satisfied =)

well, i reached the glad tidings AOG at about 7.30pm. (ignite youth ppl super don't follow malaysian time, they were already there by 5 sth. haha) there were so many ppl in the foyer waiting for the door to open. so while waiting, i bought an 'i heart' t-shirt =D

*will post pic later, belum cuci*

PS: my sis bought the 1GB cool-looking thumbdrive and also a t-shirt. no fair. T.T

we went in the arena at 8pm after a long wait (30 minutes is long, but for them 3 hours?? hmm.. XD ) overall, the concert was great, lightings, sound effects and all were good. during praise i was jumping like mad (I think.NOTE: not wise, just had dinner shortly before that but totally forgot about it, too excited, haha). but when worship started, i started to feel nauseous and almost fainted. i couldn't tahan already when the song 'the stand' was playing (bad timing. someone said it was one of the nicest song =.=) so, i SOMEHOW found my way through the crowds to the exit door on the other side and then to the toilet. after washing my pale face, i sat outside at the staircase a lil while before going in, looking very lost. lol

felt better after saying a lil prayer and sat at the back at the steps which was not so crowded. well, thank God i managed to enjoy the rest of the concert with strangers at the back but it was good =)

heck.. i know 4Cs outdid my drawing (the copy cat one)...


4Cs promised me a baskin =D

so... i shall not be sad since my sadness was compensated =P

PS: hate to go uni during my study break week. thought i could stay away from monash for at least one week but ended up having to go almost everyday. ARGH. =(

hillsong united band is coming!!! and i'm gonna meet them on the 28th may.
to make things better, i just found out that about 28 ignite-ians are going! yay~~ all the way from penang. hehhehe.

this is sooooooo coool =)
can't wait for that day. lol.

anyway. i have one extra ticket for the concert. selling at 50 bucks. whoever interested tell me yea. it's not like every year they will come, only once in like 4 years i think. so, it's WORTH IT!

don't hesitate to go yea~~ woohhoo =D

PS: i so hope marty sampson and brooke fraser they're coming *fingers crossed* =(

went to church today. everything was so nice. the praise and worship. enjoyed myself thoroughly. i felt Him again =D

anyway, after the singing, we were asked to pray for our neighbours. i sat beside this real tall girl who was dressed quite nicely. she asked what was my name and said 'i'm michelle.' i thought, how did she know my name? and then she said 'michelle tan'. i was like, am i wearing a tag that says michelle tan or anything? well, i checked. LOL. no, she is also michelle tan. =D she prayed for me and i asked if i could pray for her (first time i did that in acts) so proud of myself because i am usually quite shy and don't pray well. hehh =)

pastor kenneth shared sth that really touched me today but i can't remember a lot of points and facts he stated because i did not jot them down =X but i will try to convey his message here for the sake of some people who need to know this.

pastor kenneth said, a guy went to consult him because he had been in church for a few years already and now he feel that going to church is pointless and it has become a drag for him each sunday morning to wake up early and to attend the services. that guy said that he doesn't expect anything every time he goes to church and he doesn't have a need. (that is why he thinks he doesn't need God already)

'We need to have a need', pastor Kenneth said. without a need, we will not have any expectations. therefore, we do not have the drive to act or do something for Him or even for ourselves.

isn't need something bad? doesn't it symbolize weakness and frailness? aren't we supposed to be strong always and always be blessed by God?

As far as i remember, there's two kinds of needs (i can't remember the rest). first, need in circumstances.such as lack of money etc etc (the usual need). then comes another type of need. we choose to be in need because of our conviction given by God. pastor kenneth provided a few examples such as God challenging some challenged to stop juggling between 2 jobs by giving one up and then spend more time serving in church despite their financial needs, some challenged to forgive someone that hurt him/her very deeply, some challenged to do missions, some challenged to serve full time, some challenged not to take any salary but live by faith and rely on Him only (fyi, pastor kenneth did not have any salary for the pasts 14 years i think). the need arises because of the choice we make or the one we NEED / SHOULD be making.

do you have a NEED?

sorry i did not know how to put it as good as how pastor kenneth has shared it.(this gives another reason for you guys to go church with me lol) but i hope those who should understand has understood and learnt sth from it. here you go, a post for you. live and learn.

since miss cc blogged about me and my cruelty, i guess i need to clarify my actions here lol. btw pictures taken from (Foo, C. C., 2008).

i crashed again at the hostel again last night. =) hehh. slept like 7 hours plus. even snored a lil. aiks. unlady-like me >< thanks to tyee who made milo for me when i was suddenly hungry during midnight. she's a good host. hahha =P

hmmm.. she took my picture when i was not aware??! who's the secret admirer now? haha. jk =P

i dropped my pencil as a result of simply wagging it around lol, it ended up under the chair in front of me.

SUDDENLY, i repeat suddenly, i saw something brownish moving towards my feet when i was trying to look for my pencil. it was a CENTIPEDE ( cc's favourite animal i think, since she took so many pictures of me together with them.. hmm ). centipedes bite! thank God it did not went into my shoes (tyee's actually) and bite my lil toes =.= i bet they will look like cocktail sausages.

took some chewing gum wrapping paper from tyee to catch the hydrostatic skeletoned worm (wateva.. just learnt from bio class lol).

wow. me = brave. hahh =P

yup, that's me trying to pick the worm up.

*stamp* *stamp* (smiles victoriously) =)

that's tyee checking if it's still alive. unfortunately, it's not dead (although fortunately for tyee, coz she has a thing for torturing animals. you guys should check out what she did to the poor frog in bio lab lol. check them out at she promised to update =D )

yeah. i knew she was waiting for her turn to do this XD

in the end, the milipede still didn't die due to its protective hydrostatic skeleton =.=
so it ended up in the girls' toilet rubbish bin. lol.

AHHH. mission accomplished =D

seeing chia ming blog about his bio trip with miss lai's class and all brings back much beautiful memories from disted. especially of miss lai, my all-time favourite bio lecturer.
At the beginning of the semester, she seemed very mean and fierce. she was the lecturer i disliked the most at first. hahaha. but that ddn't last long. =)

One day, i was waiting for my parents to come fetch me from college. saw her walking towards me from the corners of my eyes, was so scared lol. but after having a lil chat with her, i find that she's nice =D she even waited with me for about hal an hour to make sure i'm not kidnapped by bad guys. I found out that she was actually working at botanical gardens, someone with very high post, she joins NGOs that protest against any governmental projects that destroy the environment and she teaches at disted for fun (she loves teaching). she's one great person i look up to. i'm sure shane agrees very much with me. hahha. he likes her a lot XD

what's most touching was she took the effort to do lil souvenirs, cd with all our photos in it and a cute booklet with all our contact numbers. i think sh forced her husband to help her too. hahhaa. i miss her. wanna go visit her and her newborn baby next time. =)

me not visible in this group photo. too short =.=
from left : bea (bestie), miss lai, denise, me, syn wei =)

i miss i missssss themm allll. ahhh.. disted days....

walking the fine line. scared of making anymore mistakes.
one stupid action done might just send me to the other side (surely the bad one, just in case u can't figure it out yourself lol) or spoil everything that was established firmly through the many years and efforts put in.
i am treading slowly, slowly now, carefully. making sure i don't step on anything that is on the way. careful not to break anything that was laid on the path. things that i do not like, are ignored.
from past experiences, i have learnt to be more careful and better in controlling myself.
although i made my mistakes, by being ignorant and not knowing that some things are not what they seem.

but still, i am treading slowly on the fine line, slowly and cautiously, making progress =)

yup, i feel much better now. =D

thanks for those few who cares.

i don't know how to say this. i really don't. the thing i feared that will happen to me came to pass. it is not the first time i got myself into the same situation. exactly the same. lol. i need to hurt somebody again. intentionally but unintentionally. why does this always happen to me? some might think it's a good thing but i don't think so. i experienced it much, sick and tired of it now. do you understand? i know you will try your best to lol. just try to do as i say can? i hope we are able to go back to the past where everything seems so natural. really. it is for our good. thanks. =)

let go and let God.

ilovemymummy calledheruptoday felthappycozifeelhercareandheardmybroscutevoice imissthemireallydo imissmyfriendsinpenangtoowonderingiftheymissmetoo anywayhappiemothersdayall =D

mummyishallbegoodanddomyassignmentnow willstopwastingtimeonablogthatnobodyreadshaha

and again, happie mother's day all =)

MORE to that.... (edited 12th May 2008)

a few of you might wonder why i was so happy yesterday. haha.
i shall tell you guys one of the reasons, another shall remain confidential because i keep promises =D

yesterday was mother's day, so i had to had to call her up to wish her because i think phone calls are more sincere than smses or e-mails lol and she likes it more i guess (more personal).

so after church i called her, asked how she was, how things are over in penang and my cute brother (emphasise CUTE) wanted to talk to me because he wants presents from me. he doesn't understand i'm in KL studying, he thought i go for long holiday or what hor =_=

the call ended and i suddenly thought, i think i missed out some things my mother HAS to know. hmm.. went to sleep and then woke up do bio essay, delayed the phone call till after dinner. here's the fun part:

Me: hello mum, i forgot to tell you something just now.
Mum: *suspiciously* yes?
Me: i LOVE you.
Mum: *after pausing for several moments, probably too shocked to react* ohh yes i know...
Me: (hmmm... not satisfied) *after a few moments' pause* how come you didn't say you love me too? (sounding hurt and dejected)
Mum: *laughs hysterically* you know WE LOVE YOU too, very very much. (I can hear her smile as she say that)
Me: *thinks to self* ain't i sweet? XD

i talked to my dad and said i love him too. at least he knows how to react lol unlike my mum. everyone knows that after someone says i love you, normally you would say you love that person too (normally lahh). my mum lah make everything so kekok only. hahhahhaa.

I think it's been long since i said those three super powerful, magical words. I love my family but sometimes it's kinda awkward for me to show my LOVE lol. you all know how unexpressive i am but i have learnt to take that big step and tried to close the gap =) i think i would try to practice this more in the future so my parents won't feel so one kind or shocked or unnatural when i express my LOVE. ahhahahahhaaaaaaa. i'm bad XD

weeeeeee~~~ whole family coming on 30th May for holiday. i'll be happy *smiles* although that time would be my study week.

cheerios. =D

wednesday (30th April) was tyee's birthday (yup, as mentioned above).

noticed i am getting more chiong hei?? (it's obvious even from the first sentence. haha). this is because of sticking around too much with the birthday girl ( or ex-birthday girl now coz initially wanted to blog this on 30th April).

Anyways, OVERALL, she is a very nice person except when she 'occasionally' laughs at the silly silly things i do. sigh. actually, i just got to like really know her this year. we were classmates in form 4 but never talked to each other. hahaha. (you all know how quiet i can be >< + we were sitting at two different poles in class... so...)

it was a BIG surprise when i found out suddenly that she has so much in common with me. from other people's point of view, we are SOOO different. from mine too (that was then).

-being chiong hei is tiring, i shall stop here since i don't have as much skills on this as she does XP-

for example: we always sat-laikan ourselves but me more, so she has chanceSSS to laugh at me more, we laugh at ourselves too haha, both don't like to use the hairdryer but changed recently, both like to CURIOUS (nicer substitute for 'kaypo'), both like to hear STORIES, both quite chin chai in some areas (dressing and stuff, sometimes we look like we don't comb our hair =X) BUT extremely yim chim in some (altering and checking every sentence in stats project) etc etc.

i think, so far, there's only ONE obvious difference between us. that is, she = talkative. me = quiet. XD

btw, i never expected this to happen. but we both received birthday gift(s) on 30th April. hahhaa. one kind. my belated birthday present was given by my cousin from singapore. i thought he remembered my bday wrongly and mixed up with somebody's else or what. so i didn't dare open in case it's not for me haha. after asking him, he told me he knew it's on dcember. LOLLLL. thanks anyways =) it was pretty.

PS (to someone) : i think this is better than the CHEM LAB MANUAL. don't you think? hahhaa.

oh yea, sorry for not putting up pic. perhaps u want me to put up the artistic one that fimtan took? hahaha.